35 Hilarious Dad Jokes That Will Make You Groan and Laugh Aloud

Dad jokes have a weird magic to them—somehow both painfully corny and deeply hilarious at the same time. They’re the kind of jokes that make you groan, then immediately text your friend because, let’s be honest, they deserve to suffer too. These classics are guaranteed to get a laugh (or probably an eye-roll).

So buckle up—we’re about to dive into the best dad jokes around. You might roll your eyes, but deep down… you know you love them.

1. I just built an ATM that only gives out coins. I don’t know why no one’s thought of it before: it just makes cents!

2. Why did the scarecrow win an award?

   Because he was outstanding in his field!

3. I had a quiet game of tennis today. There was no racket.

4. How did I know my girlfriend thought I was invading her privacy? She wrote about it in her diary.

5. Why do melons have weddings?

   They cantelope.

6. What did the bison say to his son when he left the ranch?

   Bi-son.

7. Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands?

   Because they're extinct.

8. I gave my handyman a to-do list, but he only did jobs 1, 3, and 5. Turns out he only does odd jobs.

9. Dogs can't operate MRI machines. But catscan.

   

   
   

10. I'm so upset—my barber said he can't cut my hair any longer. He can only cut it shorter.

11. Where do rainbows go when they've been bad?

    To prism, so they have time to reflect on what they've done.

12. I went to a silent auction. I won a dog whistle and two mimes.

13. I was raised as an only child. It drove my sister nuts.

14. Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.

15. The guy who stole my diary went missing. My thoughts are with his family.

16. My wife always complains that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

    

    
    

17. Why did the old man fall down the well?

    He couldn’t see that well.

18. Dad: What is the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue?

    Me: I don't know.

    Dad: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.

    Me: What about the pot of glue?

    Dad: I knew you'd get stuck on that.

19. The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when i was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone. He said, “Fine, suit yourself.”

20. Why do people who live in Greece hate waking up at dawn?

    Because Dawn is tough on Greece.

21. What does a sprinter eat before a race?

    Nothing, they fast!

22. After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

    Because he had a ton of sick beets.

23. Which days are the strongest?

    Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

24. I just found out I’m colorblind. The news came out of the purple!

25. Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

26. My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

27. I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

28. Where do pirates get their hooks?

    Second hand stores.

29. This morning, Siri said, “Don’t call me Shirley.” I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.

30. I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.

    

    
    

31. Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

32. I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

33. I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7’s and 8’s.

34. How do you make a tissue dance?

    You put a little boogie in it.

35. Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said “parking fine.”

Dad jokes: the timeless art of making people both roll their eyes and burst into laughter—sometimes at the same time. They’re proof that humor doesn’t have to be deep or complicated. Sometimes, all you need is a pun so painfully simple that it lodges itself into your brain forever.

Next time you're at a family gathering or just lounging around, don’t be shy—hit ‘em with a dad joke. Will they groan? Absolutely. But will they also appreciate the sheer genius of bad wordplay? Probably. Either way, you’ll be responsible for a moment of collective joy (or at least mild exasperation), and honestly, that’s what life’s all about.

Don’t panic—I've got you covered. Next week’s blog is stacked with funny, creative, and sentimental Father’s Day gift ideas that won’t cost more than a little creativity and a DIY mindset. Forgot to shop? No sweat. I’ll show you how to whip up something personal, thoughtful, and dare I say… genius, in record time. From custom decals for his workbench to mugs, bumper stickers, and more—I’ll help you make Dad’s day without draining your wallet. Stay tuned!

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--Katie Mac--

(Decal Diva)